October 14th, 2007

Smile!

Please pray for my family.

For starters, my Dad most likely has (though we don't have the final test results) prostate cancer that has spread to the bones. This isn't really a big surprise; he's had high PSA levels for 20+ years, and they've been watching for cancer. Still it isn't easy to finally face it. Dad & I have a wonderful relationship, so I'm really at peace with this. However, my siblings don't. Dad is bipolar and himself a victim of childhood abuse, and as the saying goes, "Hurt people hurt people." And he hurt my family very badly. He's a very different person now than he was back then, but that doesn't mean my siblings have reached a place in their own healing where they are willing to see Dad objectively, or even forgive him.

One sister, who was the last person I expected to do this, asked me to give Dad her e-mail address. She told me she'd rather risk more pain & opening old wounds than to not have some form of closure. She's so brave! Please pray that my other siblings will do the same, and that they will seek the healing Jesus offers. (At least one brother is possibly not a Christian, though I know he believes there is a God.)

Also pray for my sister & her twins. Nate & Megan are 9 years old now, and Thurs. evening Nate revealed that at school he'd tried to kill himself. He said he'd wrapped his jacket around his neck & pulled as hard as he could. (I'm kinda surprised no one at the school noticed.) So while they were in the ER getting Nate evaluated, Megan noticed the pain scale on the wall & said, "Mom, I'm about a 6." My sister asked her what hurt, and Megan said, "Nothing hurts; it's just that I'm that sad. And I'm about a 3 on wanting to kill myself. I want to chop my head off." So both children have been admitted to a psych unit. I talked to them Thurs. night briefly, and also to Megan yesterday. Their mom suffers from bipolar and pretty severe PTSD, so it's not a big surprise that the twins are also deeply wounded. Please pray the cycle of wounding will stop!!! Please pray for the twins' healing. I ache for them sometimes...

Thank you so much for your prayers.
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Smile!

A Thought on Growth

(Crossposting to my journal, armyofchrist, jesusfreaks, joshuaproject.)

I must have a vision of myself after growth, or I'll be too scared to give up my security, for fear that the loss of security might be permanent. (me)

Right now I'm seeing myself without an anger problem. I've struggled with this since I was very little; I get frustrated easily, and I tend to snap at those I love about stupid, little things. God has grown me a lot, but I know I have further to go. I'm clinging to that vision of me, a peaceful me who is not easily frustrated, who does not lash out at people. Because I have that vision, I am willing to go through the growing pains.

What kind of growth are you looking at? What is your vision of yourself after growth?
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